How to reduce the number of ‘I’s in your writing

I went here, I saw this, I did that. Too many ‘I’s can make your narrative all about you, which makes for a dull narrative akin to a report from Julius Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered.

‘I’ can be hard to avoid when you’re writing about an adventure you went on. Whether you were a party of one or two or more, ‘I’ will pop up often. It’s unavoidable and often necessary, but it can be overdone. Let’s look at why ‘I’s happen and six tips on how to cut them down.

In this article:

• Why do ‘I’s happen?
• Tip 1: Become an observer
• Tip 2: Put the focus of the sentence first
• Tip 3: Cut out filter phrases
• Tip 4: Swap around the clauses
• Tip 5: Tighten up unnecessary action
• Tip 6: Tighten up moments of reflection and thoughts

Why do ‘I’s happen?

In grammar terms, a sentence needs a subject; it needs a person, place, or thing that performs an action. For example:

I went on a mission to find the hidden caves.

We couldn’t wait to get going.

Dogs barked all night.

The river meandered through the valley.

Māui pulled up a giant fish.

‘I’ is a common subject. You naturally reach for it when writing or talking, and because of the way English sentences are formed, ‘I’ pops up often.

So, how can you cut down on the ‘I’s?

Tip 1: Become an observer

Observing is a major part of travelling, so by shifting the focus away from you and turning your attention to those around you, you’ll create a more interesting and lively narrative. Readers will experience what you experienced, but the focus won’t be all about you. Take this example:

I wanted to know what life was like here, so I talked to Raymond. He liked the weather, but he didn’t like the mosquitoes.

This could become:

Raymond talked about what life was like here. He liked the weather, but he didn’t like the mosquitoes.

This edit cuts two ‘I’s down to zero.

Tip 2: Put the focus of the sentence first (hint: it’s not you)

At the start of this article, I talked about how sentences need subjects. Subjects often come at the start of a sentence. ‘I’ is an easy subject to fall back on, but consider what the sentence is really about. Is it you? Compare these two sentences:

Ball Hut came into sight just as I needed a snack break.

I saw Ball hut just as I needed a snack break.

First sentence from Solo: Backcountry adventuring in Aotearoa New Zealand, by Hazel Phillips, p. 48

The first sentence puts the focus, Ball Hut, at the start.

The second sentence is less engaging. It is front-loaded with an unnecessary ‘I’. It tells the reader what the writer saw, rather than letting the reader ‘see’ via the narrative.

Readers know that you are the narrator, so they will expect to read the story through your experiences. By putting the focus first, you can shimmy yourself off centre stage.

Tip 3: Cut out filter phrases

The first line of this article, ‘I went here, I saw this, I did that’, is full of filter phrases. When you say ‘I went, I saw, I did’, you’re filtering your experience by telling the reader what is happening, rather than showing them what’s happening. Yes, this is advice on show, don’t tell!

By recasting your sentences without those filter phrases, you will create a much more immersive narrative.

Other filters include:

• I decided
• I heard
• I wondered
• I felt

Here are some examples and rewrites:

I heard the avalanche rumble.

The avalanche rumbled.

I wondered if I’d make the jump.

Would I make the jump?

A two-metre-wide gap — bit of a leap with a heavy pack.

After consulting the map, I decided I would follow the river upstream on the true left.

The map confirmed my thoughts; I would follow the river upstream on the true left.

Some of these rewrites use ‘I’, but those ‘I’s aren’t the focus of the sentence. The avalanche, the jump, and the map are the focus.

Read more about filter words.

Tip 4: Swap around the clauses

This fix doesn’t always remove the ‘I’. Rather, it shifts it to later in the sentence. Shifting it means you’re not frontloading your sentences with too many ‘I’s.

I spotted the red smudge of Liverpool Hut in the distance.

In the distance, I spotted the red smudge of Liverpool Hut.

I inched forward, hugging the ridgeline.

Hugging the ridgeline, I inched forward.

Avoid overdoing this fix too often, though. It can make for clunky phrasing and readers will notice when it is overused.

But beware of the dangler

Dangling modifiers can easily creep in when you use this type of sentence construction. Without getting too deep into the grammar, dangling modifiers happen when the first part of the sentence (the modifier) is not logically connected to the second part of the sentence.

See if you can spot what’s off in this sentence:

Waking to a warm morning, the sun peeked over the hills.

Who is waking to a warm morning? In this sentence, it’s the sun, but it should be ‘I’. The easy recast introduces an ‘I’:

I woke to a warm morning with the sun peeking over the hills.

A deeper recast can remove the ‘I’:

The sun peeked over the hills, heralding another warm morning.

Another warm morning, and a glorious one with the sun peeking over the hills.

A warm morning for once, and a glorious one with the sun peeking over the hills.

Tip 5: Tighten up unnecessary action

Describing every step and every action can slow down a scene and result in too many ‘I’s. By cutting down the steps to focus on what’s most important, you will likely cut down on the ‘I’s, too.

I tore open the packet of noodles and dumped the noodle brick into the bowl. I filled it with boiling water and stirred in the flavour sachet. Now I had to wait two long minutes.

This could be tightened up to:

I tore open the packet of noodles, dumped the noodle brick into the bowl, and filled it with boiling water. Stirred in the flavour sachet and waited.

Or,

I dumped a noodle brick into my bowl, filled it with boiling water, and stirred in the flavour sachet for the requisite two minutes.

Or, if the scene doesn’t require this level of detail:

I made dinner.

But beware of the passive voice

Tightening up unnecessary action can result in the passive voice. Passive voice gets a bad rap. But while it does have its place, too much passive voice can result in clunky and confusing sentences. The simple change of putting the subject first (often, that is you), results in an ‘I’ sentence:

The river was crossed.

I crossed the river.

For a stronger rewrite, try putting a twist on the sentence. Can you show some emotion and give the reader an insight into how you’re feeling?

No choice but to plunge through the river.

The dry spell was over. Time to get wet feet.

Boots on and get wet feet? Or boots off and hope my feet could stay dry a little longer?

Tip 6: Tighten up moments of reflection and thoughts

Adventure and travel stories often have moments of reflection – pauses in the narrative that let you reflect on what happened with the benefit of distance and hindsight. These can be good places to revise unnecessary ‘I’s.

I hadn’t wanted to come back here, not after last time. But I had no choice: it was the only practical transit point.

This could become:

Coming back here wasn’t my first choice, but I had to. It was the only practical transit point.

Your turn

When you’re telling the story of your adventure or travels, you naturally refer to yourself in the first person. You explain where ‘I’ went, what ‘I’ did, and how ‘I’ did it. But too many ‘I’s can become tedious for the reader, as well as egocentric.

By cutting down the ‘I’s in your narrative, you’ll create a stronger, more immersive, more interesting read.

Need help with your writing? Contact me to discuss how I can help you polish your writing so it’s ready for publication.