How to avoid overloading your descriptions

It’s tempting to load your adventure scenes with detail-rich descriptions that capture what you experienced in the moment. But too much detail can overwhelm a scene and slow the pace. Instead of describing every detail, ask yourself, what details are most relevant to this scene? What do I want to convey?

Let’s use this example that describes a backcountry hut:

As I stepped gently through the weathered wooden door of the backcountry hut, I was immediately enveloped by a rustic charm that transported me to a bygone era. The interior was cosy and intimate, with rough-hewn walls constructed from logs harvested from the surrounding forest. I smelled aged wood lingering lightly in the air, mingling with the faint whiff of wood smoke from the crackling fire that warmed the space. The dim light cast by the flickering flames danced across the room, and I noticed how they cast intricate shadows on the walls and revealed the nooks and crannies of the hut’s rugged interior. I smiled with satisfaction and took a seat.

I wouldn’t be surprised if your eyes glazed over while reading this paragraph. There’s a lot of great detail, but it’s overwhelming and has no clear focus.

Before we look at ways to improve it, let’s ask, what is there too much of?

• too many adjectives
• too many telling verbs
• too many filter words
• too many adverbs
• too many double ups

Too many adjectives

Adjectives describe nouns. Too many adjectives can overload a sentence and make it lose focus. Here are some of the adjectives from the example:

• the weathered wooden door of the backcountry hut
• rustic charm
• the interior was cosy and intimate
• rough-hewn walls

The hut might be all those things, but what details should the reader focus on?

Too many telling verbs

Too many telling verbs can be a sign that you’re telling the reader what you experienced, rather than showing them. Look out for descriptions that rely on ‘to be’ verbs:

• is
• am
• are
• was
• were

These are the telling verbs in the example.

• I was immediately enveloped by…
• The interior was cosy and intimate…

Instead of telling the reader what enveloped you or that the interior was cosy and intimate, show them.

Read more about how to use verbs to boost your descriptions.

Too many filter words

Filter words tell the reader what you see saw, heard, tasted or thought, rather than letting the reader experience what you experienced. Here are the filter words from the example:

• I smelled aged wood lingering in the air
• I noticed how they cast intricate shadows on the walls

Removing filter words creates a closer connection between you and the reader. The reader experiences what you experienced, when you experienced it. They read your thoughts as you think them. This makes for tight prose and immersive reading.

Read more about how to improve your writing by removing filter words.

Too many adverbs

Adverbs describe or modify verbs and adjectives. They often have an –ly ending (but not always!). Too many adverbs can clutter your sentences and create dull descriptions. Here are the adverbs words from the example:

• I was immediately enveloped by a rustic charm
• I smelled aged wood lingering lightly in the air
• As I stepped gently through the weathered wooden door of the backcountry hut

Replacing adverbs with stronger verbs can lend crispness and depth to a scene.

Too many double ups

Double ups happen when you use two words that have similar meanings or use words that imply a meaning that is already clear from the context. From the example:

• The interior was cosy and intimate
• the crackling fire that warmed the space.
• with rough-hewn walls constructed from logs … the hut’s rugged interior
• I smiled with satisfaction and took a seat.

Delete double ups and redundancies to focus on what really matters.

Taming descriptions

Let’s trim down the adjectives, telling verbs, filter words, adverbs, and double ups from the backcountry hut description.

As I stepped through the door of the backcountry hut, a rustic charm and rough-hewn walls transported me to a bygone era. Smoke lingered in the air from the crackling fire and flickering flames cast dim light that danced across the room, revealing the hut’s nooks and crannies. I smiled and took a seat.

While not perfect, this description is tighter and more direct. The focus is clear: the writer wants to show how they were transported to a bygone era. The description does just that. As readers, we can see and feel the rough-hewn walls, smell the smoke, feel the fire’s warmth and bask in its glow.

The description has lost much of its detail, but it’s a better description. It’s more immersive, clearer, and stronger.

Let’s analyse what I changed.

Adjectives

By changing “weathered wooden door” to just “door”, the focus stays on the hut’s interior, not it’s exterior.

“Rustic charm” captures the description’s focus, so I’ve kept that adjective.

Telling verbs

I have recast the telling verbs to make the scene more immersive.

• “I was immediately enveloped by a rustic charm…” becomes “a rustic charm transported me to a bygone era.”
• I deleted “The interior was cosy and intimate” because the description shows that the interior is cosy and intimate. No need to tell the reader what you are already showing them.

Filter words

The filters “I smelled” and “I noticed” aren’t needed. The description shows the smoke’s smell and what the writer noticed.

Double ups

I tightened up some of the double-ups to avoid over description.

• “the crackling fire that warmed the space” becomes just “crackling fire.” Fires are warm by nature, so there’s no need to over describe what fires are like.

• “I smiled with satisfaction and took a seat” becomes just “I smiled and took a seat.” It’s clear from the context that the writer is satisfied, so there’s no need to explain why they are smiling.

• “crackling fire” and “flickering flames” are double ups, but I’ve left them in deliberately. “Crackling fire” conjures a sound in the reader’s mind, and “flickering flames” has a pleasing alliteration.

My edited version isn’t the only way to edit this passage. You might want to shift the focus to the hut’s handmade construction and locally sourced timber, or you might want to tighten up the description of the fire. As the writer, the choice is yours. As your editor, I help you choose the direction you want to go.

Trust your readers

Trust your readers to fill in the blanks and picture the scene. One of the joys of storytelling is letting the reader use their imagination to build on your words. Readers might need a nudge in the right direction, but often the surrounding context provides all the detail you need.

Deliberate overload

Sometimes overloading a scene with description is exactly what’s called for. You might want to convey to readers just how overwhelming and intense a moment was. Just remember to do so deliberately and sparingly. Too much description can zap tension and overwhelm readers.

Your turn

You can write detail-rich descriptions without overwhelming the scene. Think about what details are relevant to a particular scene and what you want your readers to pay attention to.

If you need help wrangling your adventure into a compelling narrative, contact me and we can start a conversation.