One phrase that weakens your writing: “it was”

Sentences that start with “It was”, “There was”, “There were” (and their present tense equivalents) can weaken your writing and hide your focus. In grammatical terms, these phrases are called expletives. Replacing these expletives with stronger, more direct wording creates more engaging, focused prose. 

Example 1: Draw your readers in

Take a look at these two sentences. Which one draws you into the moment more? 

It was a long road and I’d only just started my journey.

My journey had only just started and I was staring down a long road. Literally.

In that first sentence, the ‘It was’ is an empty filler and clutters what can otherwise be a strong sentence. The second sentence pulls us into the moment and also gives us a nice glimpse of the writer’s personality.

Example 2: Add depth to descriptions

Because “It was” and “There was” phrasing add clutter, they stifle your opportunity to add depth to your scenes. Here’s a straightforward opening scene:

There were people outside my tent.

Let’s add depth to the scene by showing the reader how the writer perceives those people. Here are a few options, from simple to more immersive.

People were outside my tent.

People lurked outside my tent. Couldn’t tell how many.

The babble of people outside my tent roused me from my nap.

Some idiot tripped over a guy rope, pulling the peg out in the process and making my tent sag in the middle.

In these examples, the empty “There were” is replaced with deeper, more detailed wording. Even the first example, just cutting “there” adds a touch more flow while retaining a neutral tone.

Example 3: Show your tone

Writing about phone calls, text messages, and letters is a classic place for “It was” to slip in.

My phone rang just after I hit the trail. It was Aroha.

This “it was” can be recast in a few ways, depending on how you want the scene to play out and the tone you’re going for. 

Here’s a neutral tone:

My phone rang just after I hit the trail. Aroha.

Here’s a conversational tone:

My phone rang just after I hit the trail.

“Hey, Aroha,” I said.

Here’s a grumpy or impatient tone:

My phone rang just after I hit the trail. Aroha. What did she want?

Here’s an elated or relieved tone:

My phone rang just after I hit the trail. Aroha! At last!

Keeping your writing tight and finding balance

The occasional “it was” isn’t a deal breaker for readers, but if you notice this phrase creeping in every few paragraphs, that’s a sign to tighten up your writing.

In this published example, the “It was” is fairly innocuous. It introduces the time and the sentence carries on. Recasting risks creating a clunky sentence.

It was 2 a.m. and the train was curving around the southernmost point of Lake Baikal, which shone like a spill of mercury.

Around the World in 80 Trains, by Monisha Rajesh (p. 35)

Sometimes “It was” constructions work. As always, consider the context and see if they provide a rhythm that would otherwise be lost, or if they shift the emphasis that you otherwise want the reader to focus on. 

This is the third article in my series about small words that can that can weaken your writing. 

Check out part 1: Why “decide” weakens your writing (and how to fix it) and part 2: Why “thing” weakens your writing (and how to fix it).

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