Why adverbs deflate your writing

The best travel and adventure writing immerses readers in the story. We feel the cold water tugging at you as you’re struggling to make a river crossing; we hear the growl as you fend off wild dogs; we feel your serenity as you experience a transcendent sunrise.

That immersion happens through precise word choices, and adverbs often drain the immersion from a scene. Let’s look at adverbs in more detail, starting with what they actually are.

What’s an adverb?

Adverbs modify verbs (doing words) and adjectives (describing words). They explain how, when, where, and to what extent something happens. 

The dog barked loudly → The dog (noun) barked (verb) loudly (adverb).

“Loudly” tells us how the dog barked.

The view was incredibly beautiful → the view (noun) was (verb) incredibly (adverb) beautiful (adjective)

“Incredibly” tells us how beautiful the view was.

The adverbs that cause the most trouble in your writing are are easy to spot: they end in -ly, like the “loudly” and “incredibly” in the examples above.

But not all adverbs end in -ly; “very”, “always”, and “often” are adverbs too.

And not all words that end in -ly are adverbs. “Lonely”, “deadly”, and “likely” are adjectives. “Valley”, “belly”, and “galley” are nouns.

Two problems with adverbs

1. They’re wordy and imprecise 

To write a deep, immersive story, each word needs to earn its place. Why use two weak words when you can use one strong word?

• I walked quickly toward the ice cream stand.

Let’s use a stronger verb to better show how I walked:

• I sprinted toward to the ice cream stand.
• I strode toward the ice cream stand.
• I dashed toward the ice cream stand.
• I hobbled toward the ice cream stand as fast as my blistered feet would let me.

Each of these paint a different picture. We get a clearer, stronger view of just how I made my way to that ice cream stand.

2. They tell rather than show

Ah yes, the old showing and telling writing advice. Great travel and adventure writing doesn’t tell us about your experience, it shows us. It drops us into the moment with you.

• I carefully climbed up the rockface.

This tells us how you climbed. But it’s a bit bland. How about:

• I tested each handhold, wriggling fingers around to get the right grip, before committing.

This gives us depth and detail. We can picture you on that rockface. A whole scene like this will have us climbing alongside you.

Now, not every scene needs this type of detail. Sometimes the scene’s focus is about something else, and you just need a quick line to provide context. If that were the case here, then I’d apply the same technique as I did in the wordy and imprecise section:

• I eased my way up the rockface.
• I inched my way up the rockface

These show your movement without going deep into detail.

Common adverbs

Here are adverbs that I see most often in the travel and adventure manuscripts I edit:

• quickly
• slowly
• carefully
• suddenly
• quietly
• incredibly
• easily
• very

Search your manuscript for these words and see how often they pop up. Could you swap them out for stronger verbs? Could you go deeper with your descriptions? 

As you revise, keep an eye out for other adverbs and see if you can swap them out as well.

Bonus adverb: very

Remember at the start of this article how I said no all adverbs end in -ly? “Very” is one such adverb and it’s one worth cutting. It rarely adds detail and can be swapped out for a stronger word.

very tired → exhausted

very cold → frigid, bone-chilling

very scared → terrified

Next steps

1. Do an adverb check: search your manuscript for those -ly adverbs listed above.
2. Question each one: Does the adverb deserve to be there? How does it serve the story? Is there a stronger verb you could use?
3. Replace: swap out those weak adverb-verb combos; go deeper with your showing.

Every word choice either draws your readers closer to your story or pushes them away from it. Choose strong words that draw your readers in and have them right beside you. That’s how you’ll create an unforgettable story.

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