The effect “before” and “after” have on your travel writing (aka timeline nudges)

Let’s start with an anecdote: 

When I arrived in the clearing, I set up my tent before putting my sleeping bag inside, then got my stove boiling so I could make a cup of Milo. I went for a walk to collect dry wood after I had warmed up, before lighting a camp fire.

There’s a lot going on here. It’s confusing and wordy, and to be honest, boring. And I say that as the person who wrote the passage. So what’s the issue? The main issue is how I nudge the timeline with “before”, “after”, and “then”.

Let’s untangle the anecdote by getting rid of the timeline nudges:

When I arrived in the clearing, I set up my tent, put my sleeping bag inside, and got my stove boiling. Sufficiently warmed from a cup of Milo, I dipped into the bush to collect dry wood for a camp fire.

The passage is still a little boring, but at least it’s much clearer. You know what I did, and in what order.

Timeline nudges nudge the reader

When you tell the reader that something happened before something else, or that you did something after doing something else, you’re often over complicating the scene. Put the actions in order and you’ll give your readers a smoother reading experience.

Let’s look at this example:

He hit the ground hard after slipping on a patch of wet moss.

This passage puts the outcome before the cause. It requires the reader to do a mental flip to put the wet moss before the slip. The moment will hit harder (excuse the pun) when it plays out in order:

He slipped on a patch of wet moss and hit the ground hard.

He slipped on a patch of wet moss and went arse over, hitting the ground hard.

He slipped on a patch of wet moss, tried to catch his balance with erratic arm waving, failed, and hit the ground hard.

Make it easy for your readers to follow your actions, and trust them to put the pieces together. 

Your turn

Search your manuscript for “before”, “after”, and “then” and see how many actions you can simplify. Are there actions you can reorder for clearer reading? Any actions you can break up into simpler sentences? Any rogue “before”s you can switch out for “and”s?

Not every “before” and “after” needs to go. But if you find yourself leaning on them, now is a good time to let them go.

Want more writing advice? Base Camp Writing is your go-to place for adventure and travel writing advice.