Great dialogue means your readers hear peoples’ voices, their tone, and their personality. But dialogue doesn’t happen in a vacuum. When you’re recounting conversations you had during your travels, be sure to include what was going on around you.
The gestures you made or the actions you took as you talked go a long way to setting the scene. So do details like background noise, temperature, the vibe of the surrounding crowd, and your own emotions and thoughts.
I call these details “grounding the conversation in the environment”. Breaking up dialogue with action and narrative can show the reader where people are in relation to each other, what they’re doing, and what they’re thinking.
Snappy back and forth dialogue has its place, as do longer speeches and monologues, so as always, context is key. The aim with grounding conversation is to balance dialogue with scene so readers can be immersed in the moment.
How to ground conversation in the environment
Let’s look at an example from Wild, by Cheryl Strayed.
Here’s the published version:
…before I could step out, the man pulled out my pack and dropped it heavily in the gravelly dirt by the side of the road. … I climbed out after it and pulled it back to standing position and dusted it off.
“Are you sure you can lift that?” he asked. “’Cause I barely can.”
“Of course I can lift it,” I said.
He stood there, as if waiting for me to prove it.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said, wanting him to leave, so he wouldn’t be witness to my humiliating pack-donning routine.
He nodded and slid the van’s door shut. “Be safe out there.”
“I will,” I said, and watched him get back in the van.
(page 49)
This is a great example of grounding the conversation in the environment.
- We see how the man lingers, waiting for Cheryl to put her monster pack on.
- We see Cheryl’s thoughts: her wanting him to leave.
- We see the man take an action: sliding the van door shut.
- And we see Cheryl watching him finally take his leave.
The exchange loses that awkwardness and embarrassment when it’s just dialogue:
…before I could step out, the man pulled out my pack and dropped it heavily in the gravelly dirt by the side of the road. … I climbed out after it and pulled it back to standing position and dusted it off.
“Are you sure you can lift that?” he asked. “’Cause I barely can.”
“Of course I can lift it,” I said. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Be safe out there.”
“I will,” I said.
This version of the exchange is flat and, frankly, boring. The action and thoughts in Cheryl’s version breathe life into the scene.
Next, let’s take a look at breaking up a long chunk of speech with grounding.
Using grounding to break up long chunks of speech
If you want to recount a monologue from someone you spoke with, consider breaking up that speech with grounding. If the monologue goes on for too many paragraphs with no breaks, you risk putting off readers with a wall of text or boring them with a lecture.
Actions like hand gestures, descriptions of tone, body language, or your own thoughts help break up those long chunks of speech.
Here’s an example that I’ve mangled from Facing the Congo, by Jeffrey Tayler:
The Colonel said, “It’s dangerous here. These people are cannibals. They will see you and say, ‘Ah the flesh of the mondele is like sugar!’ This is a dangerous area of robbers and murderers. The deep jungle is wild in people as well as beasts. You must have one soldier with you, or maybe two. Or else they will cut you to pieces and smoke you like a monkey. Ha-ha-haa!”
This monologue isn’t too bad, but see what including some grounding in the middle does. Here’s the published version:
“It’s dangerous here,” the Colonel said. “These people are cannibals. They will see you and say, ‘Ah the flesh of the mondele is like sugar!’” He laughed uproariously, as he always did at this remark. Then his voice steadied. “This is a dangerous area of robbers and murderers. The deep jungle is wild in people as well as beasts. You must have one soldier with you, or maybe two. Or else they will cut you to pieces and smoke you like a monkey. Ha-ha-haa!”
Facing the Congo, by Jeffrey Tayler, p. 159
With this grounding, we hear the Colonel’s laugh, get a sense of who he is, and hear his change in tone. All these details help us picture the scene and hear the conversation.
When dialogue works with no grounding
If you want to convey urgency, high pressure, or a snappy back-and-forth conversation, go ahead and cut the grounding and dialogue tags to a minimum.
Here’s an example of that from Wild:
“I thought you were heading on,” he said.
“I changed my mind,” I said.
“You tried to trick us.”
“No, I didn’t. I just changed my—”
“You changed your clothes, too,” he said.
p. 286
The tension in this short exchange builds so well. Without any action, the conversation snaps between the man and Cheryl. We’re not given time to think because in that moment, Cheryl doesn’t have time to think.
Notice how that cut off line shows us what’s happening. Cheryl doesn’t say that the man cuts her off – the dash does that work and it builds tension.
So, when the scene calls for snappiness, stick just to what’s said.
Over to you
When you’re revising, check for scenes where your dialogue could be grounded in the environment. If there’s a lot of back and forth with no action, cutaways to thoughts, or descriptions of gestures, see if that snappiness is what the scene calls for.
If you want fast-paced, high tension snap, then leave the conversation as is. But if you think the scene needs more grounding, go ahead and add that detail.
Ask yourself:
- What was going on around me that would ground this conversation in the environment?
- What actions or gestures would help the reader picture the scene and hear the conversation?
- Can I work any of my thoughts in between the dialogue to show how I was reacting?
Key takeaway: Conversation and action work together to bring the scene to life.
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